I met Sylvia and her Dad at DML 2012 and was so moved by their collaboration. It is so great to see a child and parent make media together this way. Imagine how much better kids media could be if more families made their own, awesome shows. Plus-just as doing science is a great way to understand science, making media enhances your understanding of how media works.  I’d much prefer to see kids creating media then only consuming it–and kids who create media can be much more sophisticated consumers and critics of media.
I love the Super Awesome Sylvia because:

a) Kids making media for other kids
b) Girl doing science
c) kids doing “dangerous” stuff and LEARNING
d) something from a screen that prompts viewers to do things in real life.
e) She makes the show w/ her dad.

Dear Devorah,

I attended your talk at ______ last month. I found it very informative. I had wanted to stay after your talk, but there were so many people waiting to talk with you, that I just did not have enough time. My question is, At what age developmentally do you believe a child would be ok using one of these hand held gaming devices? Our son is 5 1/2 years old. We do not allow him to play any hand held or tv/computer games, such as a DS or X-Box, etc. He sees his friends playing with them and continues to ask for one. We feel he is not fully developed enough to have any time on it. We had a Leap Frog for Christmas one year and he seemed way too over stimulated.

We want him to be social and to interact with others. And we are not sure at what age he would be developmentally ready. Any advice?

MY RESPONSE:

Good for you for thinking twice! Happy to do a 30 minute consult with your family, but my “standing on one foot” response is…

A child of 5 1/2 may be cognitively “ready” and have the motor skills for some games on the DS or X Box–but that does not mean you should reconsider your approach if it is working for you. At 5.5 your concerns about overstimulation are very real—what you see after the Leapfrog experience or after he uses a friend’s x-box indicates that that is how his mind and body responds right now. Maybe that is find occasionally, but your don’t want him so hyped up every day!

Keeping handheld gaming devices out of your house entirely (for now) may be easier on your family than constantly setting boundaries about them. This time of year is tough, but try sledding or other winter go tos (indoor swimming?).

While video games may be more cognitively engaging than TV, a little TV during down/tired times of day may be restful while the games are not—so I think rather than a blanket “screen time” policy, it does make sense to think through how your child responds to each experience.

When he’s seven or eight, you can revisit. The problem solving aspect of games, and the opportunities ofr collaboration can offer great learning opportunities. Also, check out the wii sometime (maybe on your own…) to see if you can imagine some games the whole family might enjoy…In the meantime, see if there are any great board games he might like at this age.

You can trust your judgement as a parent that he does not “need” a hand held-gaming device in Kindergarten or 1st grade!

If you are clear and un-ambivalent about when you will reconsider, (ie when you are seven or eight we will think about it) that might curtail some whining….and even then–of course you will want some rules. But as I said–it is so much easier not to have it than to constantly be trying to “tame the beast” in your own home!

Good for your for observing your child’s responses and taking a thoughtful approach!

warm wishes,

Devorah
Raising Digital Natives

A momement of sharing from a suburban high schoolSo NBC news

So NBC News Chicago invited me to comment, and you can see the full newsclip with my comment here:

As well as a little more of the interview here:

If this creeps you out, don’t geo-tag your posts! I can only imagine that within weeks, this will mean that someone will walk up to you in a store to say: “I see you are tweeting about wanting a warmer coat. We have one on sale.” The journalistic potential is incredbible, but the marketing potential is what this app seems designed to capture.

Anyway, this dad wanted to know about eating in front of the TV. Remembering how I had just asked parents not to judge other parents, I wanted to respond appropriately! Specifically, he wondered whether it would harm his children’s minds or their social skills if they ate some of their meals while watching a show? In their house, children are sometimes allowed to eat while watching TV as a treat, or at times when the adults want a little adult time over dinner. This is a hard question to answer definitively, as my goal is to help families do what works for them…But I do  believe that ideally, family meals can be important for teaching kids social skills, hearing about their week, and for them to see us adults in our relationship.

Yet the desire to sit down with your partner for a quiet meal sometime before your kids leave for college is understandable… What I suggested was that he focus on having unplugged family meals  all together at certain times. Maybe some meals that involve the siblings watching a show while parents eat and catch up would give this family the energy for some unplugged meals where they all sit down together. Another alternative is to feed kids first a sit down meal that is not in front of a screen (but where you talk with them, and they sit for whatever time is developmentally reasonable) and then you can “release them” for a show or game while you eat. This used to be traditional in some families, and is still the norm in families that have parents that get home from work too late for the childrens’ schedules.

Fans of “mindful eating” would probably prefer the two shift approach to dinners, because it involves postponing media time until after a meal. Eating while you are distracted can be associated with obesity, etc. I think the most important thing to do is to create some unplugged ritual meal time that you stick to so kids can get used to it and look forward to it! It is far better to have an attainable goal than to throw up your hands.

http://www.peccalendar.org/

Nancy Lublin: Social Media That Saves Lives

In her TED talk, Nancy Lublin, CEO of Do Something describes in harrowing detail how kids responded to her advocacy texts with serious and heartbreaking calls for help.

“I think it [texting]might be a lifeline.”

Reminds me of McLuhan’s oft repeated “Medium is the Message” Something about the intimacy, the silence and the immediacy of this medium  makes it possible for kids to be  so open that they would send desperate texts in response to a social advocacy campaign. Lublin responded to their cries for help, describing cutting, incest and other serious problems, by creating a text crisis hotline, which collects data about teen experiences, as well as responding with resources to teens’ individual issues. Lublin compares this to a census or a crime map that tracks issues such as date rape, or self-injury.

You can see Lublin’s talk here.

Big Brother: No It’s Parents

If so, should they let their kids know they are doing it?

Should they have their passwords?
“Friend them?”
Use “spy” software?

Here are some ideas parents have shared with me:

• Computer in a public spot (no laptops or computers in bedrooms).
• Making sure kids feel safe talking with parents about what they are doing/seeing/experiencing.
• Making password sharing w/ parents a condition of use.
• Relying on friends and family members to “friend” their child and keep an eye on things.
• Reminding kids that they can do whatever they want when they buy their OWN computer.

Please share your thoughts…

I think this article raises important questions—For example, in the case of the young woman in the article who claims to feel safer because her parents monitor her…How might parents mentor kids to feel safe online more independently?

Funny/sad/sarcastic? Would have to know this young woman more in context to say. If one of my adult women friends said it, I’d think it was pretty funny.

One of the positives Lanza mentions about cellphones is that they let kid have a longer tether from “hovering” parents. More room to roam. He sees the screen world/virtual world as taking too much away from the “real” world…but he also cited some examples of   positive family time with technology as a basis for exploring the “real world.” My own orientation would be to draw the  line between real and virtual worlds as a little more wavy…

My key takeaways were a) excitement that we already live in a “playborhood” with great neighbors and lots of community b) Many of the ideas about changing our physical space to encourage more independent play are do-able, and don’t have to be super expensive.

One idea that I love is a having a 1 week “block camp” to let all the kids on your block know each other. I could see that really taking off on our block. We already have a great 4th of July parade, and some other really nice traditions… I recommend checking out Lanza’s book and blog!